I've been wanting to write a blog about this for the longest time. Its a topic that I've struggled to understand why other people think its okay to be rude? I have been raised to keep quiet if I have nothing nice to say, especially telling the person upfront, there's a difference between been taklesa and having no manners all. Sorry to say but this is a thing our filipino culture has been struggling with and I wish to change.
Last week it happened a few times to me, I walked into a spa, where I clearly am paying and did not deserve to be greeted in such a way. The lady said to me right when she saw me "ang taba mo!" Automatically my instinct was to answer back, but I just smiled and said "syempre" sarcastically. Another time I was in Megamall with kiera and a lady came up to me and said that un yaya ng anak niya is a fan, kung pwede daw pa picture, syempre, sabi ko okay lang, so lumapit un yaya to me, I smiled at her and said hi, then she said to me right away "ay tumaba ka talaga noh" Di ko nalang pinansin and smiled for the photo, after I said thank you and she looked at me head to toe and she said once again "tumaba ka talaga noh" Excuse me naman diba? Close ba kami? is that a way to greet someone you've met for the first time? Putok fuse ako and i said "ikaw din ate" These kind of things happen to me everyday, I do not understand bakit yan ang unang bungad ng tao sayo, ayyy pumayat ka or ay tumaba ka? Where are your manners? You can say hello, or how are you? I'm pretty sure if ako gumawa niyan madami magagalit sakin, sabi nga nila "treat others like you would like to be treated."
Pictures were taken during ASAP, during this time I was told mataba or tumataba nako and was asked to diet..
For the past 4 years weight has been a struggle for me, I've eaten the same things I have been eating kahit nun payat ako, but somehow my weight has gotten the best of me. I have spent so much money on machines and diets that haven't worked. Ive spent hour in the gym and could hardly walk but still I wasn't losing weight. Imagine nun payat ako pinapakain ako para tumaba, I wasn't allowed to leave the dinner table unless I finished my food and even sa taping ko, hindi mag reresume until I eat all my food. Pag pay at gusto patabain, pay mataba gusto papaya tin? pay kulot gusto straight, pay straight gusto kulot, away! This world! can we be accepted for who we really are?
Did it ever cross peoples minds that I just had a baby 5 months ago and I have lost 25lbs? But no one acknowledges this, all i hear is she's fat? Sayang ka naman? Bakit nagging sayang? This no longer bother me being called fat, but what bothers me is the manners of the people around us, they way others treat you, with no respect. Why do we have to be this way towards others? Naiisip ba ng bang tao un sinasabi nila before they say something? Or di na sila nag iisip at all, para lang may masabi sila? I really don't understand this matter. In my case they say I'm a public figure and people have the right to judge me. I sa NO! You do not, just like I am not allowed to say anything bad about you. I pray one day people will boost each other up instead of bringing each other down. Bullying never got anyone anywhere.
Never naman ako un pinakapayat, I never wanted to be the skinny one, I was okay with how I was. Each and every person is different, and for me I was happy with myself, but with all the things I heard, and what people were telling me on a day to day basis, I actually started to believe I was fat, and it took a toll on me, I started to eat more, I started to be depressed about my weight, but when I look back at photos of me before, I can say I wasn't Fat, why would people be so cruel, I wasn't skinny but i was FAT. Certain shows turned me down because of it, other shows tinaggal ako, and also endorsements. For me though I dint take it personally, ganun talaga ang industry ng showbiz. although I think setting a good example to the younger generation is more important that our appearances. Words no longer hurt, but peoples actions do.
Let me know yor thoughts on this.
Love,
Mel
BE KIND
Why people so judgmental? They thing they are perfect enough to judge someone, maybe they forget that they have their own flaws too. Napakahirap sa ganitong sitwasyon, halos lahat ng tao hinuhusgahan ka wala ka namang ginagawang masama. kasalanan na ba ngayon ang maging mataba? Nakaka relate ako sayo ate mel. Im fat. They are throwing harsh words, ang sakit nasabi ko nga mabuti pa sana sinaktan na lang ako physically. I asked myself kung may puso ba sila, aware ba sila sa mga ginagawa nila na nakakasakit na ng ibang tao. I want to scream and shout to them na buhay ko to kung pwede lang wag silang maki alam kasi hindi sila ang nagpapakain sa akin, hindi sila ang nagpalaki sa akin at lalo na hindi nili alam ang buhay ko. Minsan nga nandidiri pa sila para bang virus ka na takot sila lumapit kasi baka mahawaan. I have my friends binubully din nila ako at first I understand them beacuse they are my friends but later on nasasaktan na ako sa mga sinasabi nila, I thought they were my friends they should be at my side ok lang man sa akin na sasabihan nila ako pero dapat hindi harsh. Sabi nila they were telling those para ma disappoint ako, for me to work hard to be skinny. This is me if they were true they should accept the real me, I end up crying all the time. wala akong masabihan. wala na papa at kapatid ko, malayo pa mama ko sa akin. I always keep in my mind na kung bakit ako ganito kasi Jesus has a reason I should be optimistic all the time. First I should accept myself dahil kung di mo tanggap masasaktan at masasaktan ka lang. Basta ate itong mga sinasabi ko ito yung totoo. Thank you ate mel to let me read your side.
ReplyDeleteSorry for wrong typos. Im in school kasi while reading your blog and gustong gusto ko talagang mag comment :) Naka relate kasi ako.
DeleteHi Mel! I was talking to my sister about this issue weeks ago. It's true, sa lahat ng mga nasabi mo dito sa blog mo. Can you imagine, someone even made a fake IG account just to comment on my IG pic saying "Is that a hippo or an elephant?" Funny thing is --- hindi naman ako artista niyang ah,and after all those years being called "Ang taba mo!!!" I have gotten used to it. Like you, I just smiled back and sometimes my response would be like "Ano ka ba, hindi mo pa ako nakita dati, mas mataba ako dati no! Pumayat na nga ako neto eh!"
ReplyDeleteSome people would argue, they are being honest but I call it rude. Minsan nga naiisip ko paano na lang din kung honest ako about them? Like "Uy anong nangyari sa face mo? Bakit parang ang daming lubak-lubak?" Or "Uuuuy, yung skin mo parang dry, pumanget ka. Kulang ka ba sa sleep? Sobra ka ba sa trabaho?" Pero I keep my mouth shut and instead ayon na ang nasasabi sa akin... "ang taba mo".
Pagsinasabihan akong ganon, I dont get hurt at all na but I still find them rude, and parang hindi naturuan ng parents ng good manners. I always think na I am blessed to have a very loyal, understand, and loving husband, I have two beautiful son and daughter and I am living the life I wanted. Nothing ever compares to that. Yung pagiging mataba, it's normal basta we watch out lang sa health nating mga mommies, because we really have to keep ourselves healthy for the sake of our family.
Hi Ms. Mel, don't mind them when they're saying you're fat. Kahit na nag-gained ka ng weight, you're still pretty and you've still a shape. People don't understand that after you gave birth, you will gain weight. But some others talaga don't get it. They thought na ok lang na mag-salita ng ganun, but syempre may konting inis parin at the side of our mind. Nakaka-relate ako sayo, i'm enjoying reading your blogs. Sana everyday nag-bblog ka. I'm so inlove with kiera, pretty like you and same face sila ng dad niya. God bless you and your family. So excited to see you in tv. I like your kontrabida roles.
ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mel, don't mind them when they're saying you're fat. Kahit na nag-gained ka ng weight, you're still pretty and you've still a shape. People don't understand that after you gave birth, you will gain weight. But some others talaga don't get it. They thought na ok lang na mag-salita ng ganun, but syempre may konting inis parin at the side of our mind. Nakaka-relate ako sayo, i'm enjoying reading your blogs. Sana everyday nag-bblog ka. I'm so inlove with kiera, pretty like you and same face sila ng dad niya. God bless you and your family. So excited to see you in tv. I like your kontrabida roles.
ReplyDeleteHi Melissa! I can really relate on your experiences. I grew up being skinny, in fact, I was underweight for my height. I started gaining weight when I worked at a call center. I continuously gained weight and over time, people noticed and made the same comments. In fact, some people would say "higante" because I'm 5'7" in height and I'm big-boned too. At first, all those comments really hurt me and every time they made those comments, I wanted to fire back but I just didn't. I Just smile and walk away, no comments added. I became obese (accdg to my BMI) after I gave birth and since I breastfeed, it's hard to lose the pregnancy weight because you need to eat and avoid getting hungry or else you'll be fatigued. That's bad for you and your baby. Now, I got used to all those nasty comments. When they say I'm fat, I still smile at them and tell them it's okay or just change the topic or walk away. It no longer hurts that bad. I just say to myself that once I get through breastfeeding my baby, I will try to get my weight back to pre-pregnancy state. I conditioned myself to lose weight, not just for myself, but for my baby. I want to have the strength and stamina to play with her. I want to be fit so I can be around for a long time and watch her grow. Some would say it's hard for me to lose the weight around my belly but I did not listen. I firmly believe that only you can make the change no matter what other people say as long as you have the motivation. My sole motovation is my baby. We really can't change those people who are rude to us but we can change our mindset on how we react to those comments and how we plan to change our lives for the better. I salute you Mel, for being so positive despite the negative comments. Just continue to do what you love and be an inspiration to people who are also struggling with their weight. Don't ever forget that you are beautiful. Don't forget, you still can change your body but the face! LOL! Afterall, beauty lies on how you carry yourself. Be strong always and God bless you and your beautiful family!:-)
ReplyDelete-Nikkie
I could really relate to you Ms. Mel.. so disappointing how others behave and react.. Thank you for this. Im somehow encouraged to be confident again..
ReplyDeleteI could really relate to you Ms. Mel.. so disappointing how others behave and react.. Thank you for this. Im somehow encouraged to be confident again..
ReplyDelete